I'm training for a marathon and I've never run these sorts of distances before. For a non-marathon, normal, I'm-not-a-crazy-person distance, you start your run, it gets steadily worse, you get pissed off because running sucks, then you stop. End of run, end of story, you're out that afternoon or evening drinking a brewski and enjoying life.
Marathon training is something completely different. There are phases of horror to it, each distinct from the last.
Phase 1 Cool Runnings
I can't believe I'm writing this, but the first 16km of these runs is easy, even pleasant. 16km. 16-fucking-km! What have I done to my body to make it think that 16km is pleasant?!
Phase 2 Trepidation (deep, de-e-e-ep trepidation)
The ankle is hurting, I'm bored out my freekin' mind. I've listened to my favourite playlist three times already. My shoulder and back and knees are starting to ache. I can't believe I'm only two thirds (or less) of the way through. But I am still able to physically and mentally push through it.
Phase 3 The Battle
I reckon some people call this the Wall. But for me it's not a wall. As if I didn't have enough energy being sapped out of my crumbling body already, I have an out-and-out psychological war going on. The run feels like it will never end and it's only km 21 to 25.
Phase 4 The 'Emotional' Phase
Also known as the Babbling Idiot , my brain becomes an open conduit for sad stories I watched on YouTube that week in the office while I was supposed to be working. In fact they don’t even need to be sad, I’ll cry at anything at this point.
(FYI that actually is an incredible story, click here)
Phase 5 Hallucination
Complete and utter disorientation. I'm beyond distress. I don't know how I'm still running. Hell, I don't even know how I'm still up on my feet and controlling basic functions like continence. I'm not exactly lucid at this point. I am likely slobbering down my shirt, limping and have a deranged look in my eyes.
And that was only 32 km.
Marathon training is something completely different. There are phases of horror to it, each distinct from the last.
Phase 1 Cool Runnings
I can't believe I'm writing this, but the first 16km of these runs is easy, even pleasant. 16km. 16-fucking-km! What have I done to my body to make it think that 16km is pleasant?!
Phase 2 Trepidation (deep, de-e-e-ep trepidation)
The ankle is hurting, I'm bored out my freekin' mind. I've listened to my favourite playlist three times already. My shoulder and back and knees are starting to ache. I can't believe I'm only two thirds (or less) of the way through. But I am still able to physically and mentally push through it.
Phase 3 The Battle
I reckon some people call this the Wall. But for me it's not a wall. As if I didn't have enough energy being sapped out of my crumbling body already, I have an out-and-out psychological war going on. The run feels like it will never end and it's only km 21 to 25.
Phase 4 The 'Emotional' Phase
Also known as the Babbling Idiot , my brain becomes an open conduit for sad stories I watched on YouTube that week in the office while I was supposed to be working. In fact they don’t even need to be sad, I’ll cry at anything at this point.
(FYI that actually is an incredible story, click here)
Phase 5 Hallucination
Complete and utter disorientation. I'm beyond distress. I don't know how I'm still running. Hell, I don't even know how I'm still up on my feet and controlling basic functions like continence. I'm not exactly lucid at this point. I am likely slobbering down my shirt, limping and have a deranged look in my eyes.
And that was only 32 km.
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