There's no sugar coating the issue - the new Cravendale ad scares the living shit outta me.
The Biscuit kid creaks when he walks. Like Chucky.
He races through a forest, a forest that's ALIVE WITH SCARY THINGS! Look, just look at this!
If that's not the face of one of your worst nightmares, than you're obviously really cool and brave because running through this natural world documentary is my very definition of nightmare. That and spiders.
Then Biscuit Boy's head melts off, just like creepy torture Nazi in Indiana Jones.
As a side note, isn't is a bit odd that what was supposed to be a fun-filled, family-friendly action-adventure became a childhood defining test of movie-watching manhood (or womanhood as the case may be). Did you have the balls to you keep your eyes open while they opened the ark? Being four years old at the time I was an idiot and didn't really know what I was getting myself in for. I watched the scene and assumed I'd suffer the same fate as the Nazis. I endured a panic-stricken night of horrors where I imagined a bunch of slow-motion Commandment ghosts melting my face and exploding it for good measure.
But back to Barry Biscuit Boy. The scene where he walks back, headless, is wa-hay too much like Sleepy Hollow for my liking.
(Another side note: Disney's version of the Headless Horseman also scared the pants off me. That kinda stuff is not appropriate for four year olds, it's just not. Hell, I was scared in Cinderella when the cat was stalking the mice, I kept screaming "Hurry mouses, hurry or the cat will eat you, HUUUURRRRRYYYYYYYY!" Can you imagine what I was like after I watched the Headless Horseman or worse, Night on Bald Mountain from Fantasia? Not even the fucking flying hippos could emerge me from my state of catatonic terror)
But back to the Biscuit again. This ad is creepy as hell. The only good thing about it? It gave me epic biscuit-cravings, which have now been satisfied.
The Biscuit kid creaks when he walks. Like Chucky.
He races through a forest, a forest that's ALIVE WITH SCARY THINGS! Look, just look at this!
If that's not the face of one of your worst nightmares, than you're obviously really cool and brave because running through this natural world documentary is my very definition of nightmare. That and spiders.
Then Biscuit Boy's head melts off, just like creepy torture Nazi in Indiana Jones.
As a side note, isn't is a bit odd that what was supposed to be a fun-filled, family-friendly action-adventure became a childhood defining test of movie-watching manhood (or womanhood as the case may be). Did you have the balls to you keep your eyes open while they opened the ark? Being four years old at the time I was an idiot and didn't really know what I was getting myself in for. I watched the scene and assumed I'd suffer the same fate as the Nazis. I endured a panic-stricken night of horrors where I imagined a bunch of slow-motion Commandment ghosts melting my face and exploding it for good measure.
But back to Barry Biscuit Boy. The scene where he walks back, headless, is wa-hay too much like Sleepy Hollow for my liking.
(Another side note: Disney's version of the Headless Horseman also scared the pants off me. That kinda stuff is not appropriate for four year olds, it's just not. Hell, I was scared in Cinderella when the cat was stalking the mice, I kept screaming "Hurry mouses, hurry or the cat will eat you, HUUUURRRRRYYYYYYYY!" Can you imagine what I was like after I watched the Headless Horseman or worse, Night on Bald Mountain from Fantasia? Not even the fucking flying hippos could emerge me from my state of catatonic terror)
But back to the Biscuit again. This ad is creepy as hell. The only good thing about it? It gave me epic biscuit-cravings, which have now been satisfied.
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