Bread Hierarchy

I met a coeliac when I was 19 and it was the saddest moment of my life, besides that time I watched Beaches.

I love bread. I love it toasted, I love it plain, I love it with jam, I love it with peanut butter, I love it with honey, I love it with peanut butter AND honey, I love the crusts, I love the fluffy insides. I love it fresh from the bakery, I love it stale from the back of the pantry where I've been harvesting penicillin.

I love bread so much I am ready to make a bold claim - woman can live on bread alone, if it's good bread.

But what's good bread?

I have a Bread Hierarchy to guide me in times of hardship.

Before my Bread Hierarchy I would always leave the shop adamant I'd made a less than perfect choice, that I would have to live with that choice for the next two days, and that life sucked.

Or worse, I wouldn't buy any bread at all because I had plunged into a pit of existential despair, crumpled in the corner of the Tesco bakery aisle, whimpering from Bread Selection Anxiety.

I spent quite a bit of time compiling my Bread Hierarchy. The criteria used was that the variety must be superior whether plain or toasted, spread or no spread, bakery or store bought. Keep it simps, keep it real.

This is so I wouldn't be tempted to say 'toasted New York Bakery Company bagel with blueberry jam and cream cheese' over 'Bakers Delight cheesemite scroll'. I'm not crazy. That list would take a whole year of full time internal work-shopping.

So here it is, my Bread Hierarchy:

1. Honey Oat
2. Soy and Linseed
3. Sourdough
4. The Mighty Baguette
5. Pretzel
6. Naan (any variety but garlic rules supreme)
7. Multigrain
8. Paratha
9. The stuff with the pumpkin seeds on it
10. Tiger bread
11. Irish Soda
12. Cottage loaf
13. Cornbread
14. Tortilla
15. Bagel 
16. Roti
17. Beer bread
18. Country white
19. Chapatti
20. Pita
21. Viennese loaf
22. Foccacia
23. Ciabatta
24. Spelt
25. White
26. Rye (me no likey)
27. Pumpernickle (yuk!)